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Living With Grief – Part 1 Family Member

Has someone die close to you? It can be heart renching feeling that cannot be explained or know until it happens and reaction are very individual.

For me I was in denial I did not want lose my grandparents as I wanted to keep them with me.

And does not matter how long they have been gone it still feel a few days ago, as soon as you think back to the date it was a lot long time that person has been gone 5 years ago, 10 years ago or even 23 years ago

For me, my grandparents had been in my life 31 years, they always lived across the road on the farm, married for 56 years, one son, six grandchildren, age 80 & 81 years old, die 8 days apart, same church, same funeral director, same coffin and the same yellow flowers.

I had not experienced a funeral or the loss of someone close, it was time to say goodbye and the final time to give my grandma a picture and a cards to take with her. At the funeral, it felt numb, it was hard to talk and people find it difficult to say or make conversation. Some families it can become the time when you all catch up.

So this is about what I know, my own experiences and the search for living without my grandparents.

SO Living with Grief

•   We don't know when our time is up
•   When the ones we love time is up.

    All we can do is live with love, peace and joy, relationship filled with abundance of children, family and friends and life experiences.

How does your mind react to someone close die?

First it is shock and your mind goes numb, it like a part of yourself leaves you, some feel like a big hole has been pulled out of your chest or stomach area. Anger, they are not here and feel like they can't cope and you miss them. You think of situation you could have handled better, I did not do this and could have done that, negative words were exchanged, can't take them back, feeling bad and make yourself wrong. It is very hard to think straight, like you are in a foggy all day and night, this feeling is called grief.

Many feel sick in the tummy other will want to be on their own to cry. Some if they start to cry want to cry and cry and cry. The fear then becomes if I cry I would not be able to stop crying.  Some people struggle and can’t cry at all because of the shock.Other keep looking at the ones that don’t cry make that wrong.  Everybody handles grief in their own way. And if you have already experienced grief it will trigger you in feeling those feelings all over again and that is OK.

Have you seen someone laughing and making joke and they can’t sit still this how they are dealing with their grief and sadness.

A funeral is to honour that person, to lay to rest and a place where you can be with that person anytime.

When the funeral is over and everybody has gone home, back to their life and they will get on with their life much easier, but the ones at spent every day, every week being apart of each others lives are the ones that miss them and the loneliness of not having them present in everyday life.

They come into our dreams to tell us how to they are going and letting you know how they are.

My grandma came one night and showed me her going down the stairs without her walking stick and how happy she was. Allow these dreams to come and comfort you. Until we go there ourselves we don’t know really how far away from us they really are.

What if they can watched us out the window and come just be with us, other time go off and being out there doing what they do and return to see what we are doing, if that is what we want, would that be a lovely way to remember them. Also remember there is family waiting on the other side, waiting but we will not know till we get there but if that has you and me feel comfortable with where our special people are, that they are not suffering then we can rest easy.

I’m up for feeling comfortable. I had a mentor say once, that my grandparents were back on earth in 9 years, I got excited thinking, I could go and see them and be with them and the mentor said, they may have chosen a new experience to have this time round, and that does make sense to me and that was OK. For me we don’t know till we get there.  I have heard mum's say I feel my dad around me or mum is watching and protecting me or watching over the girls.

               7 Things to do in Remembrance

1. On their birthday make their favourite dish
2. Talk about your special person by name all the time and the fun you got up to.
3. Have a happy photo up so all the family can see your special person
4. At Christmas and other special time at the beginning of those special times
5. I always say hi to grandma and grandpa
6. Think of  your special person as they are present as they would be when they were alive having lunch with us.
7. Start living your life as they would want you too.

               3 Things to Rebalance your Body, Mind and Spirit

1. See a coach with special skills that can help fill in the hole, remove shock and rebalance your body.
2. Start regular massage to relax your muscles, distress body and relax your mind.
3. Start gentle yoga or polites with massage session

Living with Grief – Part 2.  "Should Children Go to the Funeral?"

How living with grief been for you?  leave a comment below, love to hear from you….

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